All the Pretty Boys
by Zandra's Ashes
Summary: Elizabeth takes an all female team, Teyla, Cadman and Katie, to a world where women are the dominent sex. When the boys find out, they quickly follow. John, Ronon, McKay and Lorne are not too happy with what they find. Just for fun!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Not episode related, just for fun.

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't make any money from my "borrowing" of these beloved characters.

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John strode into the control room. Elizabeth hadn't been waiting on the balcony when his team returned from their mission. That was never a good sign. Her office was dark and quiet and at this hour, that was never a good sign either. He turned his eyes towards Lorne who was still fully geared up although John knew his team had most likely returned hours before his own. Strangely, Lorne was wiping the perspiration dotting his forehead looking suspiciously like he was trying to hide behind Chuck and Zelenka.

Chuck cleared his throat daring to break the silence. "Colonel, we have been trying to reach you for hours."

John raised an eyebrow as he studied the nervous expression on all three men's faces. "What are you, the hall monitor Chuck? McKay told you there would be interference on that planet, but we were good little boys we came home right on time." He tapped at his wristwatch.

It _had_ been a boy's only adventure. Teyla had stayed behind today, joining Carson who was holding a medical clinic on the mainland. They had lasted about five minutes before crude noises started erupting in the puddle jumper and even cruder jokes and stories emerged. John never realized how Teyla's serene presence had exerted such control over his teammates. He'd quickly decided not to make it a habit of planning missions when she could not be present.

"What are you doing Chuck, now is not the time to antagonize him. " Zelenka hissed. "And you, Lorne stop hiding behind me! This is all your fault, I'm not about to let Sheppard kill me because you let Elizabeth go off world with all those women."

John felt something brush his arm. He cocked his head sideways, smiling sinisterly when he saw Ronan crossing his arms and frowning upon the three.

"With what women?" Ronon growled.

Lorne smeared the moisture across his head again. "I tried to stop them Sheppard, but you weren't here and we couldn't reach you on radio. You don't know how stubborn she is, she listens to _you_. Elizabeth isn't persuaded so easily by the rest of us."

"Lorne?" John fingered his sidearm longingly. He wasn't above threatening them if it would make them talk faster. "What the hell is going on, you've got about thirty seconds until I throw you all in an interrogation room with Chewie here."

Ronon snarled in delight.

Zelenka broke away throwing his hands up in the air. "Major Lorne returned and extended the invitation from P356X for Elizabeth to return for a festival being held on their world tonight. Apparently, women are the dominant sex in their society and they were overjoyed to learn we had a female leader."

John turned his head, his eyes glaring accusingly at Lorne.

"Elizabeth thought with you offworld and out of contact, it would be a nice gesture if her escorts were also all female. She rounded up Teyla, Cadman and…" Zelenka looked behind John hesitating.

"And who? I suppose you are going to try to tell me Katie went along with them? Like she'd ever dare to touch a gun." McKay snorted.

John turned, not entirely surprised to find McKay had been hanging on every word.

"Not only touched it, but actually quite impressed the Marine's who were orienting her to it down in the shooting range. Her mark was more accurate than your own McKay." Lorne finally chipped in.

McKay's mouth opened and shut so furiously John was reminded of a carnival game. If only John had a water gun...He shook his head viciously, trying to knock the dust off his mind. Elizabeth had just done… what?

"What the hell are you clowns trying to tell me? You seriously let Elizabeth go off world with a team of women? It's not even that they're all women, but let's face it, that crew is nowhere near a complete team. Elizabeth doesn't count because she won't touch a gun. I can't argue about Teyla or Cadman's skills because, well frankly they scare the hell out of me sometimes. But Katie? Have you lost your damn mind Lorne?"

Lorne wiped his forehead again. "I told you, she doesn't listen to us! The rest of us don't have, well whatever it is in your eyes that entrances her into submission. You don't know what she's like when you're not around." He gulped loudly. "Sir."

"Let's go." John hissed.

"Sir?" Lorne gulped again.

"Don't think you're getting out of this so easily. I might buy that Elizabeth couldn't be persuaded, but do you honestly mean to tell me you couldn't stop Cadman? Hell, you could charm her by just by holding your P90 the right way."

Lorne shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "To be honest sir, she still scares the hell out of _me_ sometimes."

John rolled his eyes. "Chuck, dial the gate. Ronan, McKay…Lorne, let's go."

John's team was still in full gear, a shower and hot meal would have been nice, but he doubted any of the men would dare complain. Their women, all their women, had known exactly what would happen the moment their little posse had been ousted. Hell, those women were probably surprised the cavalry hadn't already shown up and pissed on all the nearby trees before throwing them over their shoulders and carting them off. Oh, those girls were in for some serious trouble. John smiled as he thought of all the ways they could get even. As soon as they were safely back on Atlantis of course.

A/N: Who knows where these things come from, hope you enjoyed. More on the way…


	2. Chapter 2

"It's not far from the gate sir, just a few minutes' walk from here. They have a amazing beach here Sheppard, you would-"

"Lorne! Just get us to the city already."

The four men burst over the top of the hill, finding a beautiful city softly illuminated in a glow of light. And deserted. It looked like Roman ancient ruins, the cities composed of commanding pillars and a landscape dotted with impressive statues.

"Lorne!" John hissed.

"Well I don't know where they are sir, this is where I met with them today."

"Listen." Ronon grunted.

The sound of music echoed softly behind the city, reminding John of the time he'd escaped from school and his father to experience Carnival in Rio De Janerio. That was…unexpected. John nodded at them to move in that direction. They crossed through the deserted town, the drumming exotic music throbbing louder in their ears with each step of their feet. The men finally reached the edge of the tree line before crossing onto the beach.

"What-" John gasped before being interrupted by Lorne.

"…the-" Lorne's eyes were wider than the ring of the Stargate.

"…Oh no!" Rodney sucked in his breath.

Ronon snarled at the three, spinning his weapon around in his fingers as he readied it to fire.

John cocked his head sideways, tugging Ronan's gun down.

"This is bad, very, very bad!" Rodney gasped. "Look at those men, they are almost, they are all…"

"_Pretty boys_." Ronon snarled, glaring at Sheppard's hand holding down his gun.

If John hadn't been so traumatized by the scene before them, he would have never been able to suppress his laughter over _those_ words escaping Ronon's lips. "Easy Chewie. No one's shooting anyone, unless it's me anyway."

"You could have warned us Evan, you were here earlier. You saw what we'd be up against!" McKay's indigent voice rang loud enough for John to clamp his hand down upon his mouth.

"Well, they had more clothes on today, and in all honestly, there is no way in hell McKay that I would ever report back that a planet ruled by women included a population of men that were seemingly all…_pretty boys_."

John scratched his head as he looked again at the scene before them. If it weren't for the beach, it would be like witnessing a scene come to life from Roman history. The men and women were all scantily clad in crisp white togas, and the men were quite…virile. Their muscles popped like they were a member of the world wrestling federation or a model off the cover of a trashy romance novel. All insinuations aside, it was like a herd of He-Man's, each subtly jostling the other to win the prize of a She-Ra. It hadn't escaped his attention that the women were quite beautiful as well.

He found his gaze hovering about a particularly elegant set of ankles. His gaze rose appreciatively across the sculpted calf muscle, the lithe thigh muscle and up to the generous curve of her…Oh damn. That was Elizabeth! In a toga!

She was dangling a glass of wine from her fingers. He looked up higher, finding her head tilting evocatively backwards, laughing as if she had found herself in the audience in the last comedian in the universe. The man before her was at least clothed more generously than those men around him. Rather than the skimpy toga, he was adorned in a suit somewhat similar to those found on Earth. A glass of wine also dangled from his fingers, making him seem painfully articulate, intelligent, and exactly the type of man you'd expect to find with his arm around Elizabeth's waist. John clamped his hand down harder on his P90, growling louder than he could even hope to prevent.

Ronon nodded approvingly, starting to take a step forward with his gun outstretched.

"Stop. No one is shooting anyone." John hissed, almost amazed he'd retained his ability to think somewhat rationally. There was nothing more he'd like then for Ronan to stun that man in this moment.

"Sheppard, have you looked at those men? Let Ronon stun them, we'll never get the girls to willingly leave _this_!" McKay expelled without embarrassment.

John spotted Teyla and Katie not far from Elizabeth. They were also adorned in togas…and surrounded by men with exploding muscles also adorned in the damned togas. Cadman alone remained evasive of his eyes.

"Oh, this is so not happening. _ Kat_-" McKay tried to scream for her attention but John clamped his hand down hard against his mouth.

"_You_ McKay…you are to stay quiet. If you scream I give Chewie permission to stun you. Ronon, otherwise no shooting. None. You guys sit tight. Lorne, if either of them make a move you shoot them. If you don't, well, I think you're the only one here I haven't shot yet. I can remedy that tonight."

"And what exactly do you think you're going to do?" McKay hissed.

"Well, I'm not sure. That's not the point-"

"He won't do it, let's go ahead and stun them." McKay whispered towards Ronan, his eyes never straying from Katie's figure. "

"I think we've established differently. I've shot everyone, everyone here but Lorne. That's why I chose him to start with."

McKay scrunched his face up deep in thought. "Does it ever make you wonder why you've shot us all Sheppard? Maybe you-"

"Lorne. Shoot them if they so much as sneeze. I'll check in within fifteen minutes. I expect radio silence until then.

"I can make a bomb you know. I can make one that would just scare them or one that would literally rock this world. Sheppard? What do you think?"

John turned back and discovered Ronon was pissing nearby on a tree. John wondered for the millionth time what it was about the Pegasus galaxy that made all logic go flying out the window. There was an entirely different set of rules here he would never understand. He wasn't sure he was even really that upset about the insanity. It definitely kept things…interesting.

"Lorne. Fifteen minutes." John hissed before escaping into the darkness of the woods that edged the beach.

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TBC….


	3. Chapter 3

John grimaced as a twig crunched loudly beneath his boots. He'd been edging around the tree line, maneuvering closer to where he'd last seen Elizabeth. The sound had probably been easily masked by rhythmic music still steadily grinding against his ears. He stood staring into the sea of toga clad bodies trying to catch a glimpse of Elizabeth. He wasn't much for big parties, but he suddenly felt frustrated by hanging on the sidelines. A sharp crunch of twigs brought his P90 swinging swiftly to his right.

"Sheppard, I could smell you coming five minutes ago. You came straight from your other mission didn't you?" Cadman whispered as she emerged from the shadows. "I can't believe you didn't even hit the showers. Lorne told you it was a festival right?"

His anger was somewhat alleviated by the fact Cadman was still adorned in regulation uniform, her P90 grasped firmly in her hand. "What the hell were you thinking Cadman? " John fought to keep his voice low.

"Just following Dr. Weir's orders. _Sir_."She shifted closer, aligning her right shoulder with his left as her eyes surveyed the darkness behind him. "Which fortunately for me, she wasn't very specific about. She may have assembled the team that escorted her, but she never said I couldn't request backup if I felt it necessary. "

John raised an eyebrow. "Cadman?"

"I don't have a death wish sir; I knew_ certain_ people would not be happy with her decision. As soon as we arrived and Dr. Weir was distracted I pulled Johnson's team in early from their mission. They are nearby, watching closely. Johnson is the best sharpshooter we've got; we've got a handle on security. Atlantis won't even know they've diverted for hours. I think that's enough time to torture Lorne."

"That's what you think. I drug his sorry ass here along with me.

"Damn. Well, you don't have to tell him you know, it's the perfect revenge. Those marines are the freaky scary special ops kind. They're like ghosts; you'll never know they're here unless you order them to respond."

John tried to mask his relief. Cadman had made a good decision. If she kept this up, they were going to have to promote her soon. Realizing her ego was already brimming he could only manage one word. "Nice."

"I'm not stupid sir and honestly, it serves Evan right. He just stuttered when we ordered Chuck to dial the gate; he didn't even try to stop me. You know Sheppard, sometimes women like it when men try to take charge. And understand I said try, it's the effort that counts. I would have shot him if he'd actually tried to stop us; Dr. Weir's authority overriding his own of course."

John turned his eyes away from their thus futile scan of the crowd, cocking his head sideways to meet Cadman's eyes as she turned her head towards him.

She continued. "I know better than to jeopardize Dr. Weir's safety, but I know she wouldn't be thrilled that I brought in another team."

"Well, I'm glad to see we agree upon something. That was good thinking Cadman."

"Permission to speak freely sir? "

John's relief in learning Johnson's team had been lurking in the shadows quickly faded. "If that's not what you're already doing, I tend to think that would be a very bad idea."

"If you are to have any chance, you're going to need some help."

Great. More Pegasus insanity. John briefly considered the plausibility that the entire military crew had been compromised by some alien drink. It _had_ happened before. "Chance with what? What exactly do I appear to need help with?"

"It's not just your lack of shower. It's painfully obvious from your breath that you've had more than a couple cups of coffee. It might have even helped a bit, not much mind you, but a bit if you'd changed your clothes. You got to try a little harder Sheppard."

"Try harder for what?"

Cadman paused for a moment, scrutinizing his face. "I had the impression you were sweet on Dr. Weir. As does the entire expedition."

John realized he was squirming. He suddenly felt as though he was being interrogated by his third grade teacher. She had terrified him almost as much as clowns. He could feel the blood coursing through his body and figured the vein on his neck was probably bulging unattractively. Well, Cadman could just add that to her complaint list. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." He finally ventured.

"Hmm. Then I'm certain you won't have any complaints about a little clean up." Cadman turned to face the direction John was facing and let out a fierce whistle.

"What the hell are you doing?" John hissed.

"Calling for reinforcements. Trust me; I've seen these women in action. They'll have you strutting around like the pretty boy you really are before Elizabeth even dares kiss that annoying man just to shut him up."

John twisted his head back around. "Where is she, what do you mean kiss him?"

Out of the shadows four women arrived, all adorned in the same damned togas he'd seen all night. These women seemed to have no qualms about blatantly sizing him up; speaking in a language he was unfamiliar with. They ushered John and Cadman to a nearby tent. "Cadman, what's going on?"

Once safely inside the veiled walls of the tent, the women swarmed, tugging at his clothes. His buttons were flying open on his shirt. "Cadman! I'm on the verge of creating a diplomatic incident here. "

Laughter floated lazily upon the air. "Told you sir, they just want to clean you up. They know Elizabeth wants you, they are just trying to make you pretty enough to be worthy of Atlantis' leader."

The woman had just finished pulling John's shirt off his body. "Cadman, turn away."

"Don't worry sir; I'm looking out for your six. I'm sure I'll see it next."

"_Cadman_!"

"Turning eyes away sir."

"Are you snorting?"

Cadman was laughing too hard to answer.

"Just so we're clear, I'm_ not _going to wear a toga."

One of the women was fussing about with his hair frowning. "Your men do not seem as cooperative as our own, are you sure we should bother with this one?" She said to Cadman.

"It's just the flyboys that are this cocky. Trust me. Dr. Weir will love it." Cadman smirked watching John swat away another woman's hand's unbuckling his belt.

"Now wait just a minute…" John's voice was wavering. He was fairly certain this wasn't going to help his chances with Elizabeth, even if it was kind of cool to have four beautiful women striping away his clothes. Somewhere deep inside he felt pretty sure Elizabeth would kill him if she found out he'd let four alien women undress him. "Cadman?"

"Like I said sir, not stupid. Taking it to my grave with me Sir."

John flinched when he heard her snorting again. He was s_o _screwed! Girl's poker night was scheduled again for tomorrow, Elizabeth would find out then, he was sure of it. If he managed to survive this night…

"Interesting, this one presents a challenge does he? Did you say flyboy? He is a pilot?" A beautiful long haired lanky blond practically floated into the room. "I am Keoni; I hold the position similar to your Dr. Weir."

John's words caught painfully in his throat as she approached. Her toga seemed made of material more iridescent than the others, she practically radiated with light and beauty. Her pearly white teeth almost blinded him with the depth of her smile.

Cadman's voice cut through John's reverie. "Yep, got yourself a bona fide flyboy here. He's the best pilot we've got. John, they don't have aircraft technology here. That makes you a god of sorts in their eyes."

Great. Just great, John thought. All he really wanted to do was get them all back to Atlantis. They could come back one day- on his terms. But he didn't like being thrown into all this unexpectedly.

"Oh, yes. This will be perfect." Keoni purred appreciatively as she reached for his unbuckled belt pulling it firmly from his trousers.

"Shit." John managed looking towards Cadman for assistance. Her eyes were wider than her own. Cadman hadn't spoken but John would have sworn he'd heard her say Oh shit just after himself. Cadman couldn't help him now. Keoni was looking at him with sultry intentions that made his knees weaken. He may have feelings for another, but he _was_ a man and it had been a long time since a beautiful woman had looked at him like he was good enough to eat.

"My partner seems to be quite taken with your Dr. Weir." Keoni said as her hands strayed to the button on his pants. "I need to teach him a lesson. "

The button was undone and John could only barely whisper, "Cadman!" The unmistakable hiss of his zipper echoed through the tent.

"Still not looking sir!"

Keoni traced her fingernails from John's hips around his sides before coming together in the small of his back. The scraping sending mind numbing sensations racing up his spine. Keoni pressed herself against John's unprotesting body, planting her mouth against his ear. She whispered, "Oh, the fun we are going to have."

She pulled away, laughing sinfully. "Ladies, I hope you have some proper attire for this one. A toga is definitely not suitable for the size of this man's…essence."

John looked in Keoni's topaz eyes, mesmerized by the unabashed way she projected her appreciation for him. Even if she was only using him to make her man jealous. John didn't care. Being the open object of one's desire…well, it was long overdue. He intended to enjoy every minute of it. He was looking forward to seeing Elizabeth squirm. He wondered how long it would take her to forget she ever gave a damn about having her focus split.

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A/N: TBC, This supposed to bit a bit on the satirical side of funny. Hope you enjoy regardless of my liberties. (Wondering if anyone catches the convention footage reference. If not, ask me, it's a great you tube vid you don't want to miss!)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N #1- The convention reference in the last chapter was about John's hair and how he seemed uncooperative. If you haven't seen it, go to you tube, search for J_ _ F_ _ _ _ _ _ at the Stargate Atlantis Con Burbank 2007. It's 2:20 long. Fanfiction eats links, so that's the best I can do. If you haven't seen this vid, you simply must!

A/N #2- Among the many liberties I've taken, timeline becomes one as well in this chapter. I know that the release date of a certain song does not coincide with the dates Elizabeth appeared on Atlantis. Try to forget you know that too. Does it really matter? If so, consider it A/U, it has gotten quite nutty here anyway.

Hope you enjoy, remember- this is for fun!

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"Oh no, we're too late!"McKay had just thundered into the tent. "We should have realized they'd snatch him, _pretty boy_."

John was standing there clad only in his boxers; his BDU's dangled quite ungracefully about his ankles. Keoni turned placing her back against his chest as though indicating she'd already laid claim.

Ronon's eyes were almost twinkling with laughter.

John tried to clear his throat, but he really couldn't find anything appropriate to even try to explain this. He finally just shrugged and hoped his cheeks weren't as red as he thought.

"They haven't kidnapped him, they're helping him. Where have you all been anyway? _Evan_." Cadman nodded when Lorne emerged from where he'd been practically hiding behind Ronon.

"Yes, where have you been? I'm overdue to check in with you by-"John glanced at his watch and frowned. "By over thirty minutes. We couldn't have been that hard to find, what have you been doing?"

"Um. Well, you see, we were just-"McKay started speaking nervously.

"McKay! You promised!" Lorne moved around glaring at McKay.

"I don't see what the big deal is, I thought it was funny." Ronan said.

"These are your friends?" Keoni asked John.

"Well…I suppose that would be an accurate statement." John tried to suppress his smile as he looked at the men's ashen faces.

"Sheppard, you are unbelievable! I am hurt. You should not be allowed out in public, we should have Elizabeth make that a rule of sorts. You cause trouble wherever you go." McKay turned away as if to leave.

"Wait." Keoni spoke and the women who assisted her stepped quickly to block the exit. "You are then friends of Dr. Weirs as well. You must attend the celebration. Ladies."

John couldn't suppress his smirk now as the women went to work on Lorne, McKay and Ronon. "Cadman?"

"I'll just be outside then sir." Cadman started laughing softly as she exited the tent.

"And no snorting." John called behind her.

"Gentlemen, please excuse us. We need to gather some extra clothing." Keoni moved away. She turned back in the doorway and smiled, "Don't go anywhere."

John pulled his pants back up before looking towards the others. "Someone got a canteen?" Lorne tossed one over and John took a long drink of the fresh water. "No one is to touch the food or drinks. Last thing we need is to be under the influence of some alien aphrodisiac. _Lorne!"_

"It was just one time sir!"

"But Sheppard I'm starving! We didn't even get to eat after our first mission; I haven't had a proper meal all day!"

John raised his eyebrow towards McKay. "You know what McKay, go ahead. These women will eat you alive."

Just then the women returned. They brought warm wet towels so they could attempt to wipe the grime away, dry towels and fresh clothing. John was actually impressed with the clothing and a bit frightened at the same time. The outfit presented to each man fit damn near perfectly. They were used to sizing up their men obviously.

"Hey flyboy?" Cadman yelled inside.

"What?" John and Lorne yelled.

One of the women eased up beside Lorne, smiling appreciatively. "You are also a pilot? I am Aren."

"Lorne! Outside! Now!" Cadman's voice bellowed.

Lorne eased out the door looking unsure if he was being rescued or if he was now in more trouble.

Aren looked towards John. "Is that one spoken for then?"

John carefully considered her question. It wasn't Lorne's fault he couldn't dissuade Elizabeth. Didn't mean he couldn't have some fun torturing him anyway. "No, I don't believe he has been spoken for."

Aren licked her lips. "Lovely, just lovely." She smiled before vanishing through the doorway.

"You know,_ I_ am also a pilot. Err… well at least I can fly a puddle jumper." McKay puffed his chest outward smiling proudly.

Before John could even tease him about his flying ability, one of the other women moved forward. Her face was contorted as though trying to suppress her smile. "Yes, _that_ sounds…most impressive."

"See Sheppard, puddle jumper was a horrible name. It makes them sound like toys." McKay pouted.

Keoni looked at John. "We must go now, the ceremony is about to begin. I will find you later; we have some work to do." She winked at John as she moved away. She paused in the doorway as the other women exited. "And gentlemen, if I do say so, you clean up most deliciously." Her soft laughter floated through the doorway as she left.

"Still hungry Rodney?" John was digging around in his gear; he knew they were in his pockets somewhere.

"Oh ha, ha. Let's have some more fun at my expense shall we?" McKay huffed as he headed towards the door.

"Hold up McKay." John slipped his sunglasses on. "Grab your shades guys. Time for us to have a little fun."

"Lorne this is not funny, will you stop running!" Cadman's voice grew louder as did the footsteps approaching the tent.

"Someone dig out Lorne's too, he seems a little preoccupied." John neared the door peering out to see what exactly was going on.

"Oh pretty flyboy!" Aren's voice rang out just the way the guy did in _Sixteen Candles_ calling _oh sexy girlfriend_. John hadn't thought about that movie in ages. He had a feeling they were going to top the shenanigans from that movies notable party before the night was over.

Aren's feet flew past the entry to the tent, apparently running in pursuit of Lorne. Ronon joined them in the doorway, smiling broadly. Heavier footsteps approached and John pivoted out of the doorway grabbing Lorne firmly and pulling him back in the tent.

Lorne leaned over, panting as he tried to catch his breath. "Those women are insane! We need to grab Elizabeth and just run for our lives Sheppard!"

"Buck up flyboy, I think we can protect you. Besides we can't leave now without having a little fun of our own can we?" John shoved Lorne's sunglasses against his chest. He grabbed a nearby canteen taking a long sip of water.

"Do you think now would be an appropriate time to tell him we filled those out of a local stream?" McKay blinked rapidly. "I haven't been feeling so good. Do you think there's something in the water? It could be low blood sugar though, I'm starving!"

John gritted his teeth before tossing the canteen aside. "Let's roll."

The four men strode out of the tents opening, fanning out into a staggered line as they moved towards the party. Their dark black suits and crisp white shirts practically crackled as they moved into the breezy night. John pulled a lollipop from his pocket tucking it inside his mouth, the white stem protruding much like the stem on a cigarette. He turned his head back pulling the sucker out and saw Lorne finally sliding his shades on.

Lorne nodded appreciatively towards John. "Nice. Great movie."

"What's he talking about?" Ronon grunted.

"Ronon, when we get back, I'm going to have to introduce you to another great movie. It's called Reservoir Dogs, and I'm not talking about the four legged variety." John tucked the sucker back in his mouth.

"Sheppard, you got another one of those? That would be great for my blood sugar." McKay tripped as he finished talking. "See? I'm running out of time here."

John stopped pulling down his sunglasses enough to glare at McKay.

"Right. Let's _roll_ as you put it." McKay straightened his suit jacket. "I need to find my woman anyway; god only knows what chunk of meat has his hands on her by now."

"Now you've got the right attitude McKay." John nodded as the men headed off again.

This time they were near enough the crowd to be noticed. And noticed they were. As they swaggered in faces turned with interest at the fearsome foursome whose entrance practically demanded their attention. Couples stopped swaying in dance as they approached, watching keenly as John and his little posse continued on. John figured they probably weren't used to grown men wearing their sunglasses at night.

John's search for Elizabeth was somewhat obstructed by the sunglasses, but he wasn't about to take them off. He finally spotted her dancing with Keoni's partner. That particular chunk of meat seemed to have conveniently forgotten about Keoni. His hands were far too comfortable planted upon Elizabeth's waist.

"Oh, I don't think so!" McKay hissed.

John followed McKay's eyes and found Katie similarly ensconced within the embrace of another pretty boy. Ronon snarled and John turned his head again to find Teyla dancing as well. They pressed forward. John saw Elizabeth catch a glimpse of their approach, doing a fierce double take that would probably leave her feeling whiplashed for days. Somehow, her feet continued to move flawlessly hitting the steps of the dance which looked oddly enough like a version of the foxtrot. Teyla likewise had turned her head, her composed features concealing much of the surprise revealed by the widening of her eyes. Katie alone stopped cold, staring at their approach. John figured she was most likely shocked realizing Rodney was about to man up to the situation.

John paused realizing the other's footsteps had stalled behind him. He cocked his head backward and hissed, "What are you doing?"

McKay had his cell phone out, extending his arm in the air.

"Rodney, don't think you're gonna get reception here, we are in another galaxy."

"John, just sway or something. Don't get in the way, we practiced earlier." McKay said as he punched at the phone.

John looked at Ronon who just shrugged. "We got bored waiting for you." He said.

John watched and suddenly an entirely too familiar tune thumped against his ear. Oh they couldn't, they wouldn't. His jaw dropped as the three men behind him started dancing. He couldn't believe of all people McKay had seen Justin Timberlake spoof this Beyonce song on Saturday Night Live.

_All the single ladies, all the single ladies..._

John shored up his shoulders and turned back to the crowd. He tossed the sucker aside and strutted forward, then crossed one foot before the other and did a little spin. He had a few moves too, he'd never say they looked good, but it seemed appropriate now. He racked his brain trying to remember the steps to this song. He fell in with the others pretty decently for a minute before deciding he'd had enough.

There was a reason he was here, he tried not to bop along to the tune as he ambled up to Elizabeth. She along with everyone else present had frozen long ago watching their performance. He was surprised to note that most of those present actually seemed delighted with their show. John could only imagine what they were thinking; they'd probably never seen anything like it. He glanced back to Rodney, Evan and Ronon and smiled. Maybe that was a good thing; the men were waving their hands back and forth pointing at their ring finger.

_Cuz If you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it…_

John closed in on Elizabeth, her smile stretched wider than he'd ever seen it before. He grabbed her hands, nodding curtly to the he-man. "I'm cutting in. Deal with it."

John spun Elizabeth around.. "Know how to tango?"

She laughed, "This is hardly tango music John!"

"That's what you think." He put one hand on her hip, pushing her backward to the beat.

She laughed again, catching on quickly. It actually did work quite well to the song, they pushed forward and back against each other to the beat.

_woo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh oh_

_Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it  
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it  
Don't be mad once you see that he want it  
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it woo oh ooh_

John turned Elizabeth again, catching a glimpse of Rodney as he grabbed Katie bending her back so far her hair scraped against the ground. John pulled Elizabeth around just in time for her to see them kiss. Teyla then came strutting up to Ronon, stalking around him in a circle before pressing him backwards as she began to dance with him. There was only one couple missing now. John pivoted slowly and found Cadman back in the shadows. She nodded down, showing John she had gathered all their belongings. He nodded slowly in return. Right, time for the grand finale.

Keoni approached scowling. Her scowl broke into a broad smile as she arrived at their side. "We could have had fun with them John, but perhaps things turned out much better this way. You must come back soon; this is the most fun we've ever had during one of our festivals."

"Thank you Keoni. " Elizabeth said warmly before turning to arch her brow sharply towards John.

Right. That was his cue to flee. "Yeah, thanks. Keoni, we don't mean to be rude, but I think it's time for us to go." John swiveled and scooped Elizabeth up, tossing her over his shoulder.

"John!" Elizabeth yelped, but her laughter drowned out any remaining protest she may have held.

"Let's roll." He called out, jostling the others attention.

Ten minutes later, they emerged from the event horizon into Atlantis's gateroom. For a reason John could not currently recall, it had seemed like a good idea to toss Elizabeth over his shoulder again before he went through the Stargate. Judging from all the wide eyed frozen bodies, that may have been a bad idea. John was still in the suit, Elizabeth still clad in her toga. He gently put her down, trying to ignore the fact that everyone around was now speaking frantically into their radios and more and more bodies were rushing in to witness their arrival.

John turned around looking at their friends behind them. Cadman had apparently forgiven Lorne though they seem to have forgotten they were still holding hands. Rodney's arm was firmly around Katie's waist while Ronon's rested more discretely at the small of Teyla's back. John's eyes finally came back to rest upon Rodney's.

McKay moved closer to John. "Don't worry, we've got this." He tugged his phone from his pocket as the others nodded in agreement around them. "We'll tell them about the water later. It's all good."

It's all good? John looked at Lorne who just shrugged. John tugged his sunglasses out and slipped them back onto his face as did all the other men. Teyla moved in front of them all and began to belt out the lyrics along with Beyonce's voice blaring through the phone. John was stunned, he knew she could sing…but damn! And how did she even know the song that well? How had she even seen that video? McKay strutted up along side of her, dueling for the attention. McKay, John should have known.

Elizabeth was laughing again as John pushed her sideways. The others were all dancing along, now waving their arms and pointing at their ring fingers. John propelled Elizabeth into a nearby corridor, but not before noticing the looks of sheer shock from the crowd in front of them. He heard whistling pierce the air and could see the lights from palm pilots and iPods waving to and fro. No one would even notice they'd left with _this _show going on in the gateroom. Hopefully it would be good enough that the Atlantis crew would even forget they'd arrived with Elizabeth dangling over his shoulder.

They ended up on the deserted southwest pier. Moonlight cast a luminous glow over Elizabeth. Now that they were alone and no other eyes were present to ogle her body, John found a new appreciation for her rather revealing toga. Elizabeth contentedly leaned back against the rail. John almost rolled his eyes when he realized she was still humming that damn song.

He walked up to her and took her hand, lacing his fingers through her own. "I would, for what it's worth."

She turned her head sideways as she studied his face seriously. "You would what John?"

He pulled up her left hand leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on her ring finger. "I'd put a ring on it."

Her mouth opened slightly, her lips forming the most adorable looking "O" shape. There was nothing in the Pegasus galaxy that could have stopped him from kissing her at that moment. Before his lips brushed her own, her arms clamped around him, pulling him towards her and he felt his shoulders sag with relief. The heat of her lips melted any of his remaining fears of rejection. He pressed further into her, finding a new appreciation for that damn song as it started echoing in his ears.

_woo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh oh_

---------

A/N: I think everyone has seen the Justin Timberlake spoof with Beyonce. If not, go to you tube. Now! Also, the new TV show Glee did a great spoof with the football team performing this during a game. Again, you tube.

I hope you enjoyed the insanity; I had so much fun with this one. If you need a reason, just blame it on the water. Otherwise, categorize it as A/U. Whatever helps!

Thanks for following- see you out there!


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